Oxnard's Tale Of Tragedy
by Cappy's Hat Girl
Summary: I, little sister of cappyandpashy4ever, am unveiling my first fan fiction! It's about the ham hams and their search for Oxnard's missing case. Please read and review!


**Oxnard's Tale Of Tragedy! By: Sunflower Princess **

**A/N: Hi I'm SP! This is my first fic so be nice. I'm the little sis of cappyandpashy4ever!**

**Speaking of her, she gave me a lot of ideas so give her some credit! APPLAUSE! If you don't like it don't review. I will not accept flamers. (I will delete all of them! FLAMERS MUST DIE! DIE FLAMERS DIE!) If you do like it then tell me in my review! Oh yeah, and in my stories I have new characters. Nutmeg, Pepper's little sis, and Tubby, Oxy's little bro.**

It was an average day, right around playtime in the clubhouse. As always, various activities were happening. Cappy was ebaying a bigger hat, Penelope and Pashmina were watching Hammie-Tubbies, Stan was flirting, and Maxwell was reading his book. All was in order until Oxnard came scurrying into the clubhouse.

"Oh my gosh! No no no! Where is it! I didn't loose it! I can't loose it!"

"Oxy, what'cha loose, some weight?" joked Howdy, who began laughing like a mad man.

Chirp, chirp…

"Hey, did anyone but me here that cricket?" asked Hamtaro

"So Ox, tell us, what really did you loose?" Sandy asked, ignoring Hamtaro.

"I lost something I can't live without, my briefcase!" Oxnard said, disappointedly.

"Gasp!" The ham-hams shouted

"When did it happen?" asked Pashmina, curiously.

"It all started on my jog with Pepper." Oxnard replied. "Pepper and I were jogging, like we do every time I gain five pounds. My little bro, Tubby, and Nutmeg, little sis of Pepper, were skipping along, smelling every flower, and climbing every tree."

Nutmeg asked, "Oxy, why are you holding that case?"

I replied, "So no one will take it."

"Can I hold it?" wondered Nutmeg.

"Sure, but don't loose it, ok?"

"Ok, Oxy." She replied.

She held it in her hands, like it was magic. She and Tubby took my case up into a tree. Then, something happened! She slipped and fell! Luckily, Pepper was ready and caught her. She came down safely but the case was still high in the trees, caught by just one little branch!

"And then what happened?" asked Hamtaro.

"Then, Pepper told me she thought Boss had a ladder in his shed, and that we could borrow it to get the case out from the tree." Oxnard said.

"Hey!" said Boss. "I didn't give you permission to use my ladder!"

"Shh! Stop interrupting the story!" hissed Cappy, sitting at Oxnard's feet and obviously enjoying the story.

"Well, I'll start off from where I was so rudely interrupted." Exclaimed Oxnard, glaring at Boss. "We got the ladder and went to the tree, but when we got there, the case was…it was… oh, it's too horrible to say!"

"Did it fall out of the tree and break?" asked Dexter.

"Did cats come and attack it?" Stan asked.

"Was it eaten by a wildebeest?" said Cappy, completely randomly.

"You're all wrong!" yelled Oxnard, flailing his arms. "Especially you, Cappy."

"Aww." Said Cappy, drooping his head.

"So vhat really 'appened?" Bijou asked.

"When we came back, it was gone!" Oxnard yelled, bursting into tears.

"Egad!" yelled all of the ham-hams, except Penelope, whose limited vocabulary does not allow such words, and Cappy, who doesn't know what egad means and thinks that it is the brand of perfume that his mom wears.

"I have a suggestion," said Maxwell. "We should start a search party in groups of two. I happen to have this list of possible two ham groups with me right now. I also have groups of three, four and twenty-five."

"And you did all of this right now?" asked Panda.

"Of course not." Maxwell responded. "I've had these lists for years!"

"And why would you do that?" Jingle asked.

"I have a lot of free time okay?" Maxwell snapped.

"I vote for Maxwell's idea!" Sandy cheered. "We should all, like, totally get in groups and search for Oxnard's case!"

"Yeah! Let's do that!" exclaimed Hamtaro.

"Ookwee!" said, do I really have to say it?

"Well, it's settled then." Said Boss. "Maxwell, give us the list of partners. We've got a case to find!"

Maxwell began reading from his list. "Pashmina and Penelope, Sandy and I, Dexter and Howdy, Panda and Jingle, Bijou and Hamtar-" Maxwell was cut off by Boss, who whispered into his ear, and handed him a dollar. After pocketing the money, Maxwell read again. "Erm, Bijou and Boss, Hamtaro and Oxnard, and since there's nobody left, Stan will have to carry Snoozer."

"But what about Cappy?" asked Pashmina.

"I'm going with my own plan!" Cappy responded. "My wildebeest trap!"

"Alright ham-hams!" Boss yelled. "We'll meet back at the clubhouse in one hour!"

"Let's go!" they all shouted. All the teams of two scurried out of the door, except Stan and Snoozer; Stan was still trying to get Snoozer up.

"Get up you lazy bum!" he yelled.

"Just try it…zuzuzu…" Snoozer mumbled.

-

-

**(Oxnard and Hamtaro)**

Hamtaro and Oxnard, probably the two most clueless ham-hams of them all, were pacing on the front lawn and had gotten nowhere. They were still deciding on where to look. Suddenly, for once in his life, Hamtaro had an idea.

"Hey Oxnard! Didn't you say that you went into Boss's shed?"

"Yeah, you're right!" Oxnard agreed.

"What if the case is there?" asked Hamtaro.

"Good idea! Let's go look."

Hamtaro and Oxnard went to the shed, a large and creaky building with cobwebs hanging all over it. They were about to enter it when a HUGE black and hairy spider dropped down in front of them.

"Eeeeek!" yelled Oxnard, leaping behind Hamtaro.

"Um, Mr. Spider?" questioned Hamtaro. "Can we go into the shed?"

"Only if you answer my riddle." Replied the spider. "What…is black and white and red all over?"

"Hmm," said Hamtaro, scratching his chin. "Is it a panda with a sunburn?"

"No." said the spider.

"Um, is it a lamp with black and red and white paint?" Oxnard asked.

"Nope." The spider shook its head.

**Many thousand guesses later…**

Oxnard and Hamtaro were lying on the ground, their paws on their faces and guessing completely random things.

"Is it a taxi?" Oxnard mumbled.

"How about a parrot?" Hamtaro moaned.

"Cough-Newspaper-Cough." Wheezed the spider.

"I have an idea!" exclaimed Oxnard. "Is it a newspaper?"

"FINALLY!" yelled the spider, swinging out of their way.

"What? Garden supplies?" said Hamtaro as soon as they entered the shed. "Boss doesn't even have a garden! And why would he? I mean, a carrot is bigger that our bodies!"

"Are you saying," Oxnard growled. "That I had to put all my mental genius to the test, JUST FOR A BUNCH OF GARDENING SUPPLIES?"

"Genius?" questioned Hamtaro. "You were the one who guessed taxi."

"Well, parrot is no better." snapped Oxnard.

"Boys! Boys!" said the spider. "Don't worry, I found a case." The spider held up large brown case.

"Hmm," said Hamtaro, taking the case and looking at it. "It says 'Property of R. Kawai.' I wonder who that is."

He opened the case, and there sat several pictures of all the ham-hams.

"Hamtaro?" Oxnard said. "Why does somebody have all these pictures?"

"I don't know Oxnard, I just don't know."

"Do you think that somebody's stalking us?" Oxnard asked Hamtaro.

"Just back away slowly, Oxy, back away slowly." Said Hamtaro. He and Oxnard slowly backed out of the shed.

-

-

**(Bijou and Boss)**

Bijou and Boss had chosen to look in a bakery. For some weird reason, Bijou suggested that a baker might have mistaken Oxnard's case for a spice case, and Boss, who was simply staring at Bijou and blushing furiously, nodded without paying much attention.

"The bakery, it iz zis way, no?" Bijou asked Boss.

"Oh, um, yeah." He replied, snapping out of his trance.

They got to the bakery, a small shop with delicious odors wafting from it, and stepped inside. There sat a short hamster in a chef hat that was frosting a cake.

"Excuse moi," Bijou stated, causing the chef to look up. "But 'ave you seen a case anywhere around 'ere?"

"Well," the baker replied. "There is this case."

He handed Bijou a small leather case.

"Merci." She said, smiling at him. Boss opened the case and pulled out a small book entitled 'My years at college.'

Inside the book were many pages of mailboxes in school uniforms.

"What kind of college did Oxnard go to?" Boss asked, scratching his head.

"I did not know zat Oxnard went to college." Bijou replied.

"That's mine!" shouted the chef, snatching the book away from them. "How did that get in there?"

"What college did you go to, mister?" Boss asked.

"That's none of your business!" the baker screamed. "The bakery is now closed!"

Boss and Bijou were pushed out of the bakery, and the little chef slammed the door and turned over the 'Open' sign.

"Vell," said Bijou. "I zink we can safely say zat case is not 'ere."

"Si." Boss responded.

"I zink you mean oui."

"Whatever."

They began the path back to the clubhouse.

-

-

**(Sandy and Maxwell)**

Sandy and Maxwell were in a heated argument about whether they should search for the case at a rhythmic gymnastics center, or a library.

"But the gym like, totally has a lot of people we can ask!" Sandy explained.

"Yes, but the library contains books on search methods and common household hiding spots." Maxwell said.

"Hey guys!" said a random hamster who walked by. "There's a new rhythmic gymnastics center slash library open on Chestnut Street! You should definitely go!" The hamster shoved a flier into Maxwell's paws, and ran off.

"Well, this is a convenient and surprising happening." Said Maxwell, looking at the flier.

"We should, like, so go there!" Sandy smiled. They clasped paws and headed towards Chestnut Street.

When the young couple entered the place with the really long name that I just described, the first thing they saw was a small girl-ham dressed in a pink suit. She ran up to the as soon as the stepped into the door and said, "Would you like to take a survey?"

"No thanks." Said Sandy.

"Would you like to take your survey now?" she asked eagerly.

"I just said no thank you." Sandy said again.

"Okay, let's start your survey."

"God! I just freaking said no!" Sandy screamed.

"What if I offered you free shrimp puffs if you take it?" the girl asked.

"Yum!" Maxwell exclaimed. "I love shrimp puffs!"

"Eww!" cried Sandy with a disgusted look on her face. "Who likes shrimp puffs?"

"Who doesn't like shrimp puffs?" Maxwell questioned.

"Like, normal people!" Sandy argued.

"As much as I like a good puff of the shrimp variety, we don't have time to argue." Maxwell said. "We have to find that case."

"Did you say case?" asked the same guy who gave them the flier, who appeared from nowhere. "I have a case right here!"

The random guy dropped the case into Sandy's paws, and ran away.

"Right then." Maxwell said, opening the case.

Inside, a teeny-weeny shower curtain was open on an even teeny weenier shower, revealing the smallest of the small, and ant, taking said shower.

"Do you mind?" exclaimed the ant, wrapping the curtain around him. Maxwell shut the case.

"I'm not even going to bother questioning whether that is actually possible or not." Maxwell said.

"Good plan." Said Sandy.

They were walking out to the door when the same girl in the pink skirt walked up to them.

"Would you like to take a-"

"NO!" Maxwell and Sandy both yelled.

"Sandy! To the escape pods!" Maxwell yelled. He grabbed Sandy and together they ran back to the clubhouse.

-

-

**(Dexter and Howdy)**

Dexter and Howdy were sitting on the front lawn, scheming.

"_Hmm." _thought Dexter. _"If I can get rid of Howdy, I alone will be left to get the case, and impress Pashmina while I'm at it!"_

"_If I can get Dexter out of the picture," _Howdy thought. _"Then Pashmina will love me when I, Howdy, will return the case to Oxnard."_

"_I need a good plan to destroy Howdy." _Dexter thought.

"_To get Dexter to kick the bucket, I need something without evidence." _Howdy thought.

"_I know! I'll use an animal! A lion! That's perfect, but where will I get a lion?" _thought Dexter.

"_A tiger! That's perfect! But finding one at this time of year is going to be tough."_ Thought Howdy.

And they both thought of the answer and cried out at the same time.

"Wild Woods!"

"Well, great minds think alike, I suppose." Said Dexter, smiling slyly.

"Yeah, that's sure right!" said Howdy, laughing silently.

Howdy and Dexter leapt into the hole that lead them to Wild Woods.

"Boy, I sure hope that we don't come in contact with a lion." Said Dexter, suspiciously.

"Yeah, that would be bad, but not as bad as if we met a tiger." Howdy exclaimed.

Suddenly, a lion and a tiger appeared out from the forest.

"Finally!" they both yelled, pointing at each other. "Finish him off!"

"So that was your plan, eh?" Dexter accused Howdy. "Try to finish me off with a tiger so you can have all the glory for yourself!"

"Me?" Howdy interrupted. "You're the one who's trying to do me in with a lion!"

"Boys! Boys!" exclaimed the lion in a feminine tone. "We're not going to hurt either of you."

"Yes." Said the tiger in a deep voice. "Me and my wife, Mrs. Lion, were going to invite you both for tea and crumpets."

"Oh, okay." Dexter said, dumbstruck.

In the house 

"This is not what I had in mind." Dexter and Howdy both muttered as Mrs. Lion handed them each a cup of tea.

"So, what were you and your friend fighting about?" Mr. Tiger asked.

"Well, we wanted to impress a girl by finding a case for our friend." explained Howdy.

"Ah, I remember when I tried to impress Mrs. Lion here, back in the day." Said Mr. Tiger, sinking into a daydream.

"Speaking of that, I think Howdy and I need to go back to the clubhouse soon." Dexter said. "We best be on our way."

"Okay dear! Anytime!" Mrs. Lion waved to them as the reached to hole.

"Alright Dexter, let's go home." Howdy exclaimed, still a little shocked.

"Hey," said Dexter, pointing over Howdy's shoulder. "I think Mr. Tiger and Mrs. Lion are here to say goodbye."

Indeed, there stood a tiger and a lion, snarling at them.

"Uh, Dexter?" said Howdy, sounding panicked. "I don't think those are who you think they are!"

At this, the two big cats pounced at Dexter and Howdy with a growl, nearly missing by inches.

"Howdy?"

"Yeah Dexter?"

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!"

-

-

**(Penelope and Pashmina)**

"Okay Penelope!" said Pashmina, unfolding a map. "Where do you think we can search?"

"Ookwee!" Penelope squeaked, pointing to a place on the map.

"The teddy bear factory? Penelope, we can't go there! All you'll do is buy more stuffed animals."

"Ookwee." Penelope sounded sad.

"Okay fine, we'll go to the teddy bear factory, but no buying!"

Pashmina and Penelope entered the store, and Penelope instantly started pulling a bear off the shelf.

"Ookwee?" Penelope said. (Can I have this please?)

"Okay, fine. You can have that one. But that's the only one." Pashmina stated.

"Ookyoo, Ookwee?" Penelope argued. (Please can I have more?)

"Fine," Pashmina said. "Pick out a few more, but only a few."

"Ookwee, ookyoo, Ookwee, ookyoo!" Penelope said, pulling tons of teddies from their shelves. (And this one, and this one, this one too, and this one!)

"Ookwee?" Penelope asked, pointing to a big display.

"No Penelope, you cannot have a plush moose." Pashmina told her.

"Ooooookweeeee!" Penelope cried. (WAHHHH!)

"Okay, you can have a plush moose, but that's it. We're checking out now!" Pashmina stated, taking Penelope's 20 or so shopping carts of toys to the check out.

"Your total is 279 dollars and fifty eight cents." Said the check out clerk.

Pashmina reached into her wallet. "Um, I only have 20 dollars." Pashmina sweat-dropped.

"Well, you're just going to have to put some stuff back." Said the clerk.

"Um," said Pashmina. "How about instead of paying you, I trade you this magic acorn?"

"I'm intrigued." Said the clerk. "Tell me more."

"Well, it can sit on the couch. It can sit in your lap. It can do nothing longer than anything else because it's the magic acorn!" Pashmina explained, holding out an acorn.

"Gimme!" said the clerk, snatching the acorn and handing Penelope her toys.

"Um, also," Pashmina continued. "Have you happened to see any cases around here?"

"Well, we have all these cases," the clerk gestured to a row of cases. "You'd be welcome to search them, but it'll cost you another acorn.

Pashmina sighed. "Here you go!" she tossed him another acorn and walked over to the cases. After a few seconds of searching, she shook her head.

"Penelope, none of these are Oxnard's case."

"Ookwee, ookyoo?" she asked. (How do you know?)

"Because they're all full of low fat seed juice." Pashmina said.

Penelope sighed in agreement, and they both carted all of Penelope's new toys back to the clubhouse.

-

-

**(Panda and Jingle)**

The musical poet and the carpenter set off towards a special restaurant that Oxnard favored, called Seed's Night Out.

Jingle walked up to the manager. "Have you happened to have seen a case around here?"

"Well, there is one in that bathroom," said the manager. "But I wouldn't go in there."

"Why?" asked Jingle.

"You really want to know?"

"M'hmm." Said Panda.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yep." Panda repeated.

"Are you really sure you want to know?"

"Yes! We said yes already!" Jingle shouted.

"Well, it smells really bad in there." Said the manager.

"Oh please!" said Panda. "Come on Jingle, we're going in."

Panda and Jingle pinched their noses and walked into the bathroom. There indeed was a case lying on the floor.

"It says 'Property of Elder Ham' said Jingle. "Hey Panda," Jingle said to him who was opening the case. "It's not Oxy's."

"Yeah," said Panda. "But I really want to know what Elder Ham is hiding in here! I bet it's a pair of old person diapers!"

Panda and Jingle cracked open the lid. There in the middle of the case was a huge wad of gray fur.

"Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! Oh my god! That's disgusting!" cried Jingle and Panda, hopping around. They were so grossed out that they ran all the way back to the clubhouse.

-

-

**(Snoozer and Stan)**

"Wow, you were right Snoozer." Said Stan who was lying on the floor. "Sleeping all the time feels good!"

"Told ya…zuzuzu…"

"Snoozer, it's time to meet the gang outside." Said Stan, picking Snoozer up and putting him on his back. "If the others ask, we were searching Flower Fields, not sleeping the whole time."

"My lips…zuzu…are sealed…zuzuzu."

-

-

The whole ham-ham crew wound up on the lawn around the same time. Dexter and Howdy were panting, as if they'd run a long distance. Pashmina held several carts of toys, and Penelope was squeezing a plush moose. Oxnard and Hamtaro had cobwebs trailing off of them, and Bijou and Boss had flecks of flour in their fur. Jingle and Panda looked rather grossed out, Stan and Snoozer looked refreshed and Sandy and Maxwell looked severely annoyed.

"So, ham-hams," said Boss. "Did anyone find the case?"

"Nope." They all responded.

"Well, I guess we can give up and stop-"

"Guys! Guys!" Cappy interrupted. "Come quick!"

Cappy led them to a small clearing, where a large hoofed animal with stripes and horns sat, eating a hot dog, with a case resting at its feet.

"I told you it was a wildebeest!" exclaimed Cappy with pride.

"And that's my case!" yelled Oxnard. He ran to retrieve it, but the wildebeest snarled and grabbed the case in its mouth.

"I'll save your case Oxnard!" shouted Panda. "Hammer Punch!" Panda's paw morphed into a hammer and slammed into the animal, hurting it, but not leaving any lasting damage.

"Scarf Lasso!" Pashmina cried, taking off her scarf that grew large enough to wrap around the beast. It shook it off.

"Ham-Laser!" yelled Hamtaro, firing a blue beam from his mouth that missed the beast by inches.

"Hey!" cried Stan. "Why do you guys get super powers? I want powers! I know! I'll use Snoozer!" Stan held Snoozer like a machine gun and put his finger on an imaginary trigger. "Sleeping Blaster!"

Stan clicked the trigger. Snoozer shot out of his sock and nailed the wildebeest right in the mouth, forcing both the case and Snoozer himself into the throat of the animal.

"Snoozer!" cried Pashmina. "Stan! You idiot!"

**Inside the stomach of the beast**

"Zu-zu-zu-zu-achooo!"

**Back to the ham-hams**

Suddenly there was a huge rumbling sound from the wildebeest. It got louder, and louder until…KABOOM! The beast exploded from the inside, breaking into a million tiny pieces. Snoozer sat in the middle of the rubbish with the case on top of him.

"Stan you genius!" cried Pashmina, hugging him and running to Snoozer.

"My case!" exclaimed Oxnard, practically crying with happiness. "I've got my case back and it's all thanks to you guys!"

"No problem Oxy!" said Hamtaro. "But tell us, what was in the briefcase that you couldn't afford to lose?"

"Oh, I'll show you!" said Oxnard.

In the case, there was not fantastic treasure. It wasn't a mysterious pendant or a scrapbook full of memories. It was a seed. Not even a pile of seeds. One seed. One single seed, lying there alone.

"A SEED?" cried that ham-hams. "YOU HAD US GO TO ALL THAT TROUBLE FOR A SEED?

"Um, yeah." Said Oxnard, sweat-dropping. "You all can have a piece if you want."

"Okay!" said the hams.

Oxnard cut the seed into several pieces, and they all ate them happily.

Boss stood up. "I believe we owe thanks to the special ham-ham who got us this seed. The snoozing savior, the dozing day-saver, the sleepy superstar who saved us with a sneeze, Snoozer! Hip-hip…"

"Hooray!" shouted all the ham-hams.

"Yay!" said Stan. "And three cheers for the guy who carried Snoozer! Hip-hip…"

Chirp! Chirp!

"Ha!" screamed Hamtaro. "There they are again! I'll get you, you cricket menaces!"

Well, Oxnard got his case back, Snoozer saved the day, and Hamtaro ran off chasing imaginary crickets. (Or are they…?) It seems like a happy ending to me. Or at least, until my next story. –Sunflower Princess


End file.
